When I was in Deauville I got an e-mail from my manager that Law & Order SVU had offered me a part as a guest star in an episode called Spooked. The gig couldn’t have been more perfect as it started the day after I returned from Europe and wrapped the day before I had to leave to Woodstock and then Korea. Flash forward to today…I wrapped the episode yesterday and today I am EXHAUSTED! Yesterday was the last day of shooting and we spent SEVEN hours shooting my big emotional scene!!! For those that do not know my process when I need to be in am emotional state I will stay in that place until the end of the scene (or at the very least until my coverage is shot)so yesterday I was an emotional wreck for seven hours. It was hard work. It felt like it was never ending and by the time it was my close up, I felt like I didn’t have anything left in the tank. No more tears, no more feeling no more anything…I could barely get my lines out. But the director was insistent, he kept on calling reset, reset, reset. I was screaming on the inside…no more!!! You have to be able to use something…please I am so tired…please just say CUT! The other actor felt my pain…she knew exactly what I was going through and the solidarity shone through. She said, “Come on, look at me, listen to me.” And she proceeded to do the scene in a completely different way. I did as she said and I listened to her, which triggered my emotions, which triggered the honesty and rawness that the director wanted and which led to those words I was so desperately praying for CUT! It was a great moment…a true learning moment..a moment that we as actors train for…those moments when we feel as if we are an empty vessel…all we need to do is listen to the person we are talking to and the truth will come. As I look back on it today…in that moment I fell in love with acting all over again. That moment was the reason I decided to act in the first place. That moment which is indescribable, a moment that is so full of truth and honesty that it makes you feel as if you are on another plane. That moment was the reason I decided to throw caution to the wind and follow an “impossible” dream.
I got home around midnight and fell right asleep. I didn’t take off my make up, I didn’t even change. Just fell on the bed and slept. Today I woke up and felt fresh and new. I’m writing at my corner coffee shop (Smootch) getting some work done before I leave to Woodstock Film Festival tomorrow and then to Korea on Monday for the Pusan Film Festival. I am really excited about Pusan…a little nervous, a little scared to travel to Korea…but a good scared. A fear that I get everytime I am trying something new that I know will be a wonderful journey. The same fear I felt before I started my scene yesterday.
